Foreword by Lindsay: Below is the first post from our newest writer Jeff Jurmain - his writing is quirky, funny and sometimes surreal. Stay tuned for more from this young chap.
Wife Bought Guitar, I Realized I Had One
Greetings fellow music lovers, this is also my first post. I recently arrived back from the Beer Store where some chap was playing musical cups outside with pennies and nickels. When I returned home, my wife had bought a guitar. It is small and blue, her only requirements. Her friend is a music teacher at a middle school, and she will sit with grade sevens and eights and learn to play from scratch. One problem arose: the blue guitar is nervously out of tune.
We tried for a while to tune it via the Internet, but we couldn’t decide if the pitch off our string was the same as the one coming from our speaker. I desperately tried the 5th fret technique, of which I am mildly familiar, and thought I got it close to perfect. I tweaked and tweaked, up and down, but when I stroked the D chord it didn’t sound like Dave’s guitar. I gave up and starting playing the thumb piano I bought in a tent in Queen’s Park.
My wife brought the blue guitar on the subway to work, where one of her grade eights attempted to tune it and promptly broke a string. He blamed it on the string being super tight. I prefer to blame it on him. Then I remembered I had my own guitar, upstairs. I tried to learn a little while back, nearly played the opening stanza of “Leaving on a Jet Plane” but as my fingers hurt more and more as the days passed, I slowly took up drinking more Faxe 5 instead. But my wife has me thinking again: maybe I’ll try. But alas, this guitar now is horribly out of tune as well, brutally, relentlessly off the mark. I’m going to have Polyester Heart look at it. Then I will challenge my wife to a D chord duelling banjo guitar. I will try to keep you abreast of developments as well as other subjects that, as I have been instructed, should somehow relate to music.
It’s Friday now, bye!
JJ.
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